WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT TO SAY

Does this make me look fat?

What you are thinking...

Hmmm... let me jog around you a few times to take a look. See you in 20.

No, but just in case we should ask a salesperson about the tensile strength of that fabric.

Hey! That dress actually does make you look thin! Buy that!

No, no, no, turn around. There. Now you look fat.

Well, no. Not all of you. Only certain parts of you.


What you can actually say...


No, of course not.

You look beautiful.

It looks beautiful.

I love you just the way you are.

Let's have sex tonight.






Do you love me for my brains or my body?



What you are thinking...

Mmmmm. Boobs.

Shit now I'm totally fucked.

Is there any possible answer I can give that won't result in me getting a knee in the groin?

Body wins by default, can't choose what isn't there, right?


What you can actually say... 


You're the perfect combination of both.

Yes.

I love you. (Make sure to emphasise the "you".)

If you could sleep with one of my friends, which one would it be?

What you are thinking...

I was only supposed to sleep with one?

That's a tough one. Rebecca has the sweetest little arse, but Tori has an amazing rack and a great attitude.

Dunno. Which of 'em would sleep with me?

OMFG! Threesome!


What you can actually say... 


You're the only woman I need

I love you. Anyway, all your friends are ugly. (Don't insult her friends.)

Will you love me when I'm old, fat and ugly? 

What you are thinking...

You already are.

I already do.

What? Eww! Ewwww- No! No I damn will not love you if you are fat and gross. I'll probably fake my own death and live the rest of my life in a different country.


What you can actually say...

Of course I will. (She'll think of you as a liar.)

Oh honey, that's such a long way off. Let's not talk about such depressing things. (She'll think of you as a romantic liar, which is only a little better.)

This is the ultimate question that no man can escape.

What should I wear tonight?

What you are thinking...

The other-side of this condom?

Something slutty.

A towel?

Actually, how about nothing?

Me.

I DON'T BLOODY CARE!


What you can actually say...

Anything you want, you look good in anything/everything and nothing.

Uh....what should I wear tonight? Huh? Yeah... How do you like that? (She actually would love to dress you)

ENGLISH MORE THAN A LANGUAGE IN INDIA???

Excellent article

India Strips To Western Culture!


India, the land of admired spirituality and upscale knowledge, had ever safeguarded it's eminence, reputation and individuality, being united an unique irrespective of the encircling varieties. The nation has been depicted before the international community as the 'dove of peace.' However, today India is no more known for it's worth praising contributions on the realms of knowledge and scientific excellence or spiritual revolutions. But, is known as a mere supplier of cheap workforce and as a tolerant nation to any sort of bull-work, but for few bucks.

Buzz up!
In older times, undoubtedly, India had the 'Indian-ness' everywhere in the nation. Recently I had a late night-walk across the famous 'Brigade Road' in Bangalore and for a while I was in a delusion as if I had landed up at a busy street in Europe, but I couldn't call it Europe too... somewhere midway between India and Europe.

Dear Indians, who told you that denuding Indian women will bring western culture to India?

Girls aged seventeen or eighteen were walking lazily, hand in hand with guys who looked bummed out. To delineate the dressing style, oh! I should not call it dress, because few inches of garment cannot help the purpose of dress or clothing. There half opened eyes conveyed me the amount of alcohol they had consumed, in clear terms. And I am sure, if I would have asked any one of them 'why do you be like this?, their burning eyes could have asked me in return, are you from stone age?


We, the Indian youth have learned to speak better English, we learned to select cloths on brand names and also have tamed our taste buds to American Pizza or Chinese Burger, but pathetically failed to understand what differentiate India an Europe. Every Indian is crazy about western lifestyle, western food, western dressings and western culture. But while mimicking the 'westernity', we never try to understand the upper class values they maintain or the civilised ways they follow.


Dear Indians, who told you that denuding Indian women will bring western culture to India? How have you mis-conceptualized that being arrogant and intolerant will help you to mimic foreign civilisation? What made you thinking that few vulgar words and 'slangs' are the essence of English language?

European culture and lifestyle is far beyond all these, and it is true to say that they are 350 yeas ahead to India with regards to every aspect. But with no inspirations and ambitions, but with petty mimicking skills, India reached behind 350 years, instead heading ahead. The most painful fact is that we are blind enough to see the realities and are still in search of shorter and shorter cloths and uncivilized slangs!